Subjugation

Sometimes I cling to him.
Needy.
Trying desperately to curl myself into his chest.
Pushing my face into him till I can barely breathe.
But still it's not enough.
I want to be so close that I'm enveloped.
Swallowed up.
Eclipsed.
Till all that exists is him and my service to him.
I need to feel smaller, weaker, insignificant in comparison.
Suddenly so clingy and dependant.
So desperate, almost frantic,
to feel like I am his.
To prove that I am his.
It's all consuming and I want consumtion.
I want to kiss his feet.
But I couldn't push myself enough into the ground
To feel as lowly as I ache to.
I want to suffer and cry and sacrifice,
to show him my resolve.
My determination.
to be defeated and be triumphant, all for him, because of him.
I ache for his fist or his praise.
I ache even more for his disdain.
I ache for every single kindness and every single cruelty he aches to give me.
And I want him so acutely.
His will, his force, his whim.
His presence.
That sometimes I cling to him.
Trying to keep the begging from my lips.
Needy.